miscarried December 16, 1998.
Remembered by Jamie Benavente:
I never got to hold you in my arms or sing you to sleep at night. I never even felt you move or got to hear your heart beat. I saw a blurry ultrasound picture of a small spot that they said was you and even though it was hard to imagine that spot being a baby I loved you so much from the moment that the doctor squeezed my hand and told me I was pregnant. We had been waiting so long to have you and I longed so much to be a mother that before I even knew not a day went by when I didn't dream of being a mom. Your daddy's eyes filled with joyful tears when I told him and you've never left our thoughts since then. Then with one tiny drop of blood and a day later, the words of our doctor I found out that you would never be born. That you probably had already died and they would have to go in that night and scrape you out. My heart is so broken and I am so very sad. I go through the days now just trying not to cry at every thought of you and every painful flashback of the past week. I am filled with pain and misery and the tears are never ending. I don't know if we will ever get back up again. Tomorrow I return to work and try to go back to normal life. It is so hard for me to let go of someone I never even held in my arms. I wish I could have known you sweet angel. I would have given up anything to have been able to. But I was never given the chance to. I will always remember you sweet angel and I will always love and miss you. I hope God will let me hold you in my arms someday in heaven....


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